Is Death Bad (and Other Big Questions)?
Lauren Ford, Funeral Director
Ford Funeral Home
Fairmont, West Virginia
Many people worry about death. Thinking about death gives some people the creeps. I often think about death and dying. I recently had the pleasure of discussing death and grief with Lauren Ford, the Funeral Director at Ford Funeral home in Fairmont, WV. Lauren is a young, calm, thoughtful, and extremely positive person who works with grieving families and the deceased all day long.
Is Death Bad?
I had a lot of questions for Lauren. We began with this month?s official question: Is Death Bad? While the death of a loved one is certainly painful for the living, Lauren and I focused on whether death is bad for the dead person. Is death bad for the one who dies? Lauren?s answer is that death is a natural part of the life cycle. She is reluctant to say that death is bad. She prefaced her remarks by noting that she believes in God and an afterlife. Moreover, she believes that some people will be going to a much better place in the afterlife. So for them, death may well be a very good thing. Furthermore, for those who suffer prior to dying, death can be the best available alternative. I pressed her on her answer. Even granting the existence of God and the possibility of a pleasant afterlife, isn?t dying a premature death just plain bad. Lauren believes everyone has a job to do on earth. Some people accomplish their mission on earth at a young age while others accomplish their mission later in life. While the grieving family may be devastated by the premature death of a loved one, Lauren believes that the one who dies may be on to a better situation.
If Death Is Not Bad Why Do We Fear Death?
Is Fear of Death Irrational?
Although Lauren herself does not fear death, she admits that many of the rest of us do fear death. Are we all just irrational? Or, is fear of death sometimes very rational? There are many good explanations, according to Lauren, for why some people rationally fear death. One reason is that some of us are not so sure of an afterlife or the existence of God. What is the afterlife like? And, even those who believe in God or an afterlife are sometimes not confident about where they will end up. Can we ever know for sure if we are going to heaven or to hell or somewhere in between? As Lauren sees death, it is like going on a trip. If you are not sure where you are going, if you are not sure that you have packed what you need, if you are not sure that you know the language of the place of destination, it makes a lot of sense to be a little nervous. And, to top it off, nobody ever comes back from death to let us know how it is. These unknowns, in part, explain why we fear death.
What is the purpose of a funeral?
Sometimes I wonder why we have funerals. What purpose do they serve? Do they really help the living? Do they do any good to the deceased? Lauren enlightened me. Funerals, according to Lauren, provide the living with an opportunity to honor the deceased and to express publicly what the deceased meant to us and how they made a difference on earth. The funeral is a helpful first step in a long process of grieving and healing. Lauren believes that the deceased can be honored or dishonored/harmed. A funeral is positive for the deceased because we can honor them.
What is the purpose of the viewing of the body?
Some funerals involve a final viewing of the body. Why do people want to see the body? Lauren explained that the viewing of the body is helpful to some people for several reasons. For some people, viewing the body helps them accept that their loved one is gone. The viewing provides some people with a sense of closure that is a necessary step in a healthy grieving process. Lauren also pointed out that many people suffer through a long illness or a violent accident. During the dying process, they look like they are in pain. At a viewing, the deceased will look at peace. This can be a comforting way to see your loved one for the last time. Many grieving people need this comfort.
How does Lauren Ford feel about her job?
Every time I see a funeral home, I wonder about the people who work there. Why would anyone want to work in a funeral home? What would ever get a person to think about working at, or owning, a funeral home? Lauren Ford?s family has been in the funeral business for several generations. For as long as she can remember, Lauren has been comfortable with death, dying, and the deceased. For her, it is just another part of the life cycle. In a sense, she simply inherited her job. Although I never imagined meeting someone who would tell me this, Lauren Ford loves her job. She does many different things in a day and she enjoys the variety. Sometimes, she?s simply doing paperwork. Sometimes, she works with people who are planning their own future funeral. Sometimes, she is meeting with grieving families who need to plan an immediate funeral. Sometimes, she is prepping the deceased for their funeral. I was especially interested in how she feels about prepping the deceased. Lauren?s view is that this is a very important job. She treats every body as if it were her own family member. Each one should be treated with dignity and honor. As I explained earlier, she knows that the viewing can provide comfort to family and friends. She wants the deceased to look peaceful and beautiful for the last time their family gets to see them on earth. Lauren is able to help people when many other people do not know what to do or how to help. She can help people when they really need help. The opportunity to help people who really need it is what makes Lauren?s job so meaningful to her.
Interview with Lauren Ford
By Sharon Ryan, WVU Philosophy Department Chairperson and Creator of THE QUESTION
